Imagine yourself in a small but comfortable room, of 4 sides, each wall a floor to ceiling mirror with sparkling clarity.
You are in a Hall of Mirrors. Gazing in any direction you see yourself like endless beads on a chain, receding into Infinity. Wherever you believe you are, there is another you, just behind this one. And one beyond that, and beyond that.
This is the Dream of Causality. That for every thing that happens, there must be an Earlier Cause.
This is a construct in Mind. This is the Holodeck. If we look for a "cause" or "earlier time" Mind will create it, instantly, on the spot, with brilliant design and detail!
Are you on a Quest? For that time "back when" "before it all happened" when you were innocent and happy? When it used to be fun, but now it's become a trap? I'm sure if you look hard enough you can find a story of how it all ended up this way. And a story behind that one.
'Tis a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 'Tis the game of an insane child sitting at the shore playing with baubles at the edge of the waves..
If you can accept that there is no Meaning with a capital M to be found, but that you ascribe to your world, then we can talk.
Are you ready to begin?